you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
