dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
