GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
