her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
