i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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