I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
