FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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