I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
