At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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