and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
