I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
