Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
