One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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