Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
