the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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