You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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