got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
