HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
