TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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