When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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