Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
