After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize