Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
