Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
