Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
