He is an equal opportunity slut.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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