She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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