Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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