I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
