Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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