I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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