Your tits are I can't wait for
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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