Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
