I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
