Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
