my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
