I look better un-naked...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
