Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
