I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
