all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
