I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
