yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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