I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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