hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
