I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
