i think my tv is drunk
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
