Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
