I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
