Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
