And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
