Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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