just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
