Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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