I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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