sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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