I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
