I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
